Words Fail Me

I had hoped for a better today. I had hoped that doing what is right and what is just would prevail.

It did not.

Today a decision came down from the California Supreme Court regarding Proposition 8. They upheld it. Prop H8 stands, the proposition that bans gay people from getting married.

The proposition that denies equality. The proposition that stands for closed-minded and closed-hearted people.

The justices hide behind their robes. They could have made a statement. They could have upheld that all men (and women) are created equal.

They did not. They upheld that the people have the right to change the constitution through the ballotbox. I was not aware that it is copacetic to change the words of a nation.

We are not equal. We are not even close to equal. It has been handed down that a group of people are allowed to be spit on, stomped on, and otherwise outcasted.

I am not only disappointed in the justices. I find myself disappointed in my homestate's constituents. Those who voted yes stand behind their bibles and their families... they stand behind their fear and their hate. The Bible says a great many things and I could go to every person who quotes me the Bible and show them exactly how they are not living by every word of the Bible. It is a time of change, a time of technology, a time not like written in the Bible. It is not about every word, it is about the root, the lessons. What is at the root of every lesson? That's right - love. So those hiding behind their Bibles should stop. Those who claim they believe in family should go hug and kiss their spouses, look in on their children sleeping, and tell themselves they've ripped this dream that they live in away from thousands of people.

Stop being afraid. Stop being afraid of something different, stop being afraid of your own sexuality. I do not care if you are gay, straight, bi, confused, or anything else. I am straight. I am comfortable being straight. And because I am comfortable, I stand for my fellow man because I AM NOT AFRAID. I am not afraid of me, my sexuality, or my power. I will stand with the down-trodden, with the beaten, because they deserve every chance, every dream that I hold. I will stand, without fear, by my fellow person because we all deserve a chance to live. I have been censured by those close to me and I have every conviction that these very same people are rejoicing in their prejudice as we speak. I will continue to vote, to fight, to offer my voice. I will stand firm for those who need more people, more voices, more love.

Whatever state you are from, I beseech you. Look in your heart. Look in your heart past the politics, past simple words on a page, past fear. Look deep and remember what love means to you and then give somebody the chance to also share their own love. If this is not enough for you, then think about the struggles of our country. Through race and gender, we have become legally equal. This is no different. Continue this vein of equality. Do the right thing by giving every man and woman a chance to be equal.

Do you want to die knowing you hated or do you want to die knowing you loved?

Another Month!

Has gone by! Amazing how time just flies. Let's see if I can lay out the last month in an expeditious, non-blabbing fashion... although this is me we're talking about... Chatterbox isn't my middle name for nothing!

I went home on my mother's birthday to spend the weekend with her, dad, and cousin Meredith. Meredith, mom, Sharon, and I all went to the spa one day of the weekend - that will be my second luxury splurge when I get a second job - more massages! Otherwise, it was tons of fun to see my peeps and get to hang with them. Something new... was the Renaissance Fair! Granted, it has been around for years, but I've never been. I ended up going with Lynn, Shelly, and Nick and had a blast! Our feet were disgustingly dirty (that's what flip-flops in dirt will do for you), and we were beyond tired on the way home (Lynn and I slept - yes, there's incriminating evidence of this), but it was all insanely worth it.

I came back and had a 20 page paper due and my stats final. All of it went incredibly well, much better than I had anticipated. So school remains good and classes next semester look like they'll be fun.

Now I'm gearing up to FINALLY take and pass my NASM (personal training) exam. As I'm working a ton of shifts in the next few days, I have chosen to break up the studying into only a couple chapters a day and do it that way. Then job searching it is!

On the other search front, the apartment one, mom was here last week and we found one! Beautiful place in Arlington, Virginia that's bigger, cheaper, closer to the metro, and right by a mall. One problem. It's right by a mall... and I have a smaller closet. This could be potentially life-threatening.

More exciting news is that I'm a team leader for the upcoming Race for the Cure in Washington DC. I work at Curves and my boss and I thought it would be fun to actually have a team this year as she wasn't planning on it because of a whole assortment of issues, but since active little me is here, why not? I have to admit to being a wee bit disappointed though. We set the team goal at $1,500. In the whole scheme of things, not all that much. We get about 50 people a day in here, if all 50 gave a dollar a day, we'd come pretty darn close! Much less if some folks gave more. I'm not sure if it's because of the recession or because they have other charities they are giving to, but not very much has been raised and I just feel that, if we have even a few dollars to spare, give it to something that will last and that will help. The monies go to research and lobbying and all sorts of fun stuff. But, to me, the most important? Monies go to women who need treatment and cannot pay for it. I paid $45 to enter the race and walk 3 miles. I, admittedly, do not really have that kind of money to spare right now. I have June rent to pay and still need to pay my test fee. But, I have a job and I have my health and for this I'm lucky. So if you're feeling like you have even $5 to spare, please donate. http://globalrace.info-komen.org/site/TR/GlobalRaceForTheCure/GlobalRace?px=5289471&pg=personal&fr_id=1140

See you all soon!

Home Run

Holy cow! It's been more than a month since I've written. Blame, I mean, thank, Lynn for reminding me this thing still exists.

It has been a somewhat insane month. Between going home, getting back, doing school, double shifts at work, and navigating having a life with all of this, I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I look forward to pulling an almost all-nighter, before yet another shift tomorrow and Friday mornings (I'm currently at work waiting for this shift to start). I have a presentation tomorrow night on a 20-page paper that I have yet to start (yes, I do know my topic and have done minimal research). I am trying to find time for friends here and for remembering to stay in touch with ones from home. I fell down the stairs and have a severely sprained ankle, which is causing my bad hip to yet again muck up.

And I am entirely grateful and thankful. Today is the day of a very intense and life-saving surgery for a young man who I graduated with from Mira Costa High School. Not too many days ago he was in a car accident. He was with three other people (including another old schoolmate, the Angels pitcher, and a young girl) - all three perished, but him. A young drunk driver hit them and then ran. He was caught. Jon has now a condition called "internal decapitation". Look it up on wikipedia - it's scary stuff. But he somehow lived and I am rooting for him to live a long and happy life, regardless of this injury. Regardless of what you may believe, I do have to admit to believing in something bigger than me and I do not know why he lives and why the others passed, but I have hope for him since he's made it this long and this far.

So I sit here with my mass amounts of work where I don't get paid much, my schooling that is putting me more in debt everyday, my sore ankle and hip, and I think how lucky I am that I have a job to go to (yes, I will continue to bitch, so deal with it), that I have a brain that is fully functional to find wonderful aspects of an otherwise inept program (I do like to learn, now we just need to find my fit to do so), and a working body (for the most part...).

So I'll limp around at work today chatting with folks because I can and I will. I'll stay up most of tonight before doing that again to write a paper that I know can be wonderful and I'll make sure it is so because I can. Because I'm lucky enough to have this ability today and now.

So think of Jon please, hope for him, and if it suits you, pray for him. He's a young man who's surrounded by love, but needs every good vibe we can give him.

Jon loves baseball - so here's to hoping for a home run.

Trials and Tribulations of Being Female: Shaving Legs

Hairy legs. For women, not the fashionable accessory to have. In fact, if these particular appendages are hairy, said women will likely be subjected to snickers, comments, and overall disgust. Unless, of course, you live in France. (Can't have a blog about leg hair without a dig on France - it's against the rules).

Yet, it is a total pain to shave. First there's the process: wet the legs, lather up the legs (must have the right soap to ensure no burning or bumps), run the razor over the long expanse, rinse off the razor, do the next strip, rinse off, repeat however many times, rinse off the legs, checking for missed spots or blood, if there's a missed spot, re-lather, re-shave and if there's blood, getting it to stop is always fun, dry legs, lotion legs, and then you're done. For all of two days. Longer than two or three days and then the itching starts. Then the prickly little black stubs show through and G-d forbid a man run his hands over your legs in this state or he's likely to run screaming from the room (unless he's married and knows better than to piss his wife off like that -- he might still be encouraged to sleep on the couch though).

I realize many men shave daily and I'm sure it can be a chore. But they are not required by societal boundaries to shave. If a man has hair on his face, he is not subjected to scorn, ridicule, and general disgust. Therefore, women have it worse.

What brings this up you ask? I will admit it. It has been longer than three days and I'm wearing short workout pants in public. That's right, the little black stubblies are showing through and I can only pray that they aren't a beacon to look at me. In perusing my legs as I sit at my computer at work, I began to think about how often we must shave, how quickly we go through razors, all of that fun stuff. Then I can only be happy that there are no men running their hands over my legs (granted I would probably say this anyways as who knows when my dad or Grandma decide they want to start reading this thing, but it's sadly enough true -- I mean, it's fabulously enough true...).

Now I love being a woman, but these little trials and tribulations always make life fun. So the next time your friend, wife, sister, mom, whoever is a little cranky, don't blame it on pms...

Blame it on hairy monkey legs.

In Memory: Zachary Michael Cruz

I didn't know Zachary. I knew of him, but I didn't know him.

I know his father. I met him in my Education class while I was at Cal. This young man was passionate about the things he was doing, always kind and supportive, wanting to do something to make his place in the world. I tend to be a bit cynical and think, when somebody sits here and says they want to change the world, that they might be a little delusional. I thought this was a young man that could make a difference. I was impressed by him, something I'm often not at first meeting.

He's 27 years old. And today... he's burying his five year old son. My heart just breaks for him. His son was killed crossing a street in Berkeley by a truck (yes, he was with adults at the time). As of this point, a tragic accident - the truck driver did not flee the scene, he was not speeding, he was not under the influence.

All I can think is that this little boy had this wonderful father (as I'm sure Frank was and is) and I'm sure he was just as bright and lively.

There are not words to express how sad I am for Frank and that I know whereever this child has gone onto, he was loved. And will always be remembered.

www.zacharymichaelcruz.com

Eve of Justice

Recommendation - watch this first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csuNCukWCe8

On Thursday, there will hopefully be another unprecedented day in history. A day when the California Supreme Court votes to uphold the Constitution as I believe in it - one that protects minorities, one that does not take away fundamental freedoms, but gives them, one that gives the opportunities that some enjoy to all.

I speak of the day that the California Supreme Court will hear oral arguments regarding Proposition 8, which was passed this last election day. This country voted for change when they voted for Barack Obama, but took a giant step backward by passing this horrendous constitutional amendment. It was passed by a slight majority, but with its passing, came a great many consequences.

There is now a group of people who are maligned, who were given the opportunity to have something beautiful and have it ripped from them, who are treated by a Constitution as separate, other, different, and not of the state. It is a despicable travesty of what the Constitution stands for and what it SHOULD mean. The Constitution (herein referring to the California version) is supposed to stand for all people, it is supposed to fight for all people, and yet it fails miserably.

I am appalled that people are working against making all people equal, well, as equal as they can be as we all know this country remains mired in hatred and prejudice - but the law must stand for all peoples, it must make the first the first step to unite, to give freedom, to give hope. Instead of fighting against each other, these groups should be finding away to gain common ground. I've said it before and I will say it again: make a new plan for the state. In the eyes of the state, everybody has a civil union (i.e. all the current benefits of marriage are now awarded to civil unions) and put marriage back where it came from - in the church. It is a construction of the church and can remain there - then it is up to the pastors/priests/dude or dudette in charge whether they want to marry a couple (since churches get exempt from everything anyways...).

I digress. Go to this web site:

http://eveofjustice.com/

and learn how you can help. How you can make a difference. If anything, take the time to learn. See what the briefs have to say, open your minds and your hearts and realize that we all deserve the chance at something special. Take a moment to realize that you do not have to perpetuate hatred and prejudice, that you can make a difference by standing for the minorities, the maligned, and the hopeful.

Give this state (and country) a chance to truly "let freedom ring".

Hollywood as a Standard of Beauty

It is a joke.

This standard of beauty: to be tall(ish at the very least), thin (actually, emaciated), over-processed hair, whiter than paper teeth that are perfectly straight, with at least 20 botox treatments under their belt (okay, I may exaggerate just a tad...). Regardless, this is a basic overview of what the Hollywood standard of beauty is and it is shown in most Hollywood stars.

This standard is absolutely unhealthy, not to mention unobtainable to those who have no money for trainers, nutritionists, and stylists. Yet... why do we, as a society, continue to play into this notion of beauty?!

First off, it must be said. I personally find this notion of beauty butt-ugly. Now that that has been said...

Over the past few weeks there has been a bru-ha-ha over Jessica Simpson gaining weight. The first picture of her with this weight gain appeared weeks ago and yet, it is still somehow relevant? I was watching CNN this morning and the outgoing Miss America, Kristin Haglund, appeared on the show. She was the first Miss America to make eating disorders her platform and appeared on the show to discuss eating disorders and Jessica Simpson - well, as much as she can discuss in the all of seven minutes they gave her (just to note, she was quite well-spoken, I was most impressed), which simply ticked me off all over again about the issue. I haven't bought a trash mag since this nuttiness because I was so annoyed by such negative coverage.

When I look at these pictures of Jessica Simpson, I still see a healthy woman. She's, what, a size 4? 6? Oh wow, obesity clinics around the country should be calling her. I mean, what is this?! She's the epitome of a normal, healthy woman - hell, even "skinny" based on the national average of 12-14 (don't quote me, it's been a while since I looked up that statistic). So how is it that she is fat? And why is it that we all play into this disgusting standard of beauty that is not reasonable or healthy? We should be taking pride in what the body can do and pushing to be as healthy as possible for your lifestyle and interests, not judging or being overly critical.

Upshot is? My new thesis will involve this bs standard of beauty. How? You'll be finding out when the sucker is written - guess you'll just have to wait and see!