Life Updates

I wish I could tell you this is going to be a Morgan style happy go lucky blog, but Morgan was late to work since she left school late and *gack*.

*School
~ This is somehow the biggest butt kicker of semesters, yes, with an insane amount of everything else going on. I feel like I'd be getting more out of it... if I had time to even DO any of it. I'm behind on homework and who knows what else. Just bad news all around these days. Did I mention I'm only in week 2? And no, it's going to get worse, not easier, at least based on the syllabi. Oy.

*Work
~It really hasn't gotten any better. And there's more of it these days, which is just TERRIBLE timing, since I desperately need the time to study. I have taken some hours off, i.e. a loss of money, so that I can go to class. I took a couple of extra hours off a week to get ANY kind of study time in, but it remains woefully low and ridiculous.

*School
~Yay! Finally something that's going well. It's a learning process and I have been learning a lot. It is almost entirely me who's teaching the 10th graders at this point, which is pretty solid. When I do get a crack at the 12th graders, it just doesn't go as well. So I'm more than happy to keep my hands dirty with the 10th graders. Granted, overall I think I'd like 12th better, but when it's my classroom. If that makes sense. It's hard to be up in someone else's space.

Upshot is... now I see why people gave me the strangest looks and tried to talk me out of working during this process. I am ridiculously stressed and I am not giving my guiding teacher or my studies the time and effort they deserve. Which basically makes me feel like a crappy human being. For instance, there's a huge student/parent meeting that I really should be at, but first I have to make sure my shift is covered. But I need to be at this meeting as I am the one who's teaching this child for the most part. Trying to find time with my guiding teacher, who is also insanely busy, to do the pre-and-post learning event bs that USC requires is a little insane.

So this is a nutty process to say the least. We'll see how it continues to go.

Oh and I forgot to mention: I've gained weight. Oy.

Student Teaching

I began student teaching on Monday. It was fascinating. I have an amazing "Master Teacher" who wanted me to dive right in and get the party started.

So yesterday, I got to give out a quiz (and grade them!), while also reviewing the beginning of Frankenstein. It turned out that there wasn't much time for an activity that I had planned, but I ended up doing it today - a gender activity! Woohoo for using Masters #1!!! The period I expected to stay dead was quite active, the one who I expected to get into it kinda died. So that was definitely fascinating.

Overall, I think it's interesting and I think it's something that I can keep doing. No more major reinventions for me!!!

Today there have been some problems in the department, so it has been interesting to watch the interactions when there are disagreements. I'm seeing early on and firsthand the politics being played and I'm happy about that. I think it's important to know what you're getting yourself into and I'm seeing that. Nothing I can't someday handle myself if there's need, but one thing I can say is: stay out of other peoples' crap. Goes without saying I know, but still... people forget.

I'm currently sitting in my first class and bored SPITLESS. I have grading to do tonight, the last grades of the quarter! Whoooeeeee!

Work on top of everything else is certainly going to make things interesting. It definitely takes away time and that's going to be problematic. I'm already feeling the nut crunch and we've barely even started. So ho boy. Oh well, I'll work it out.

I'll definitely be keeping you updated on how things are going and all that jazz. So far, so good. I'm sure in a week I'll be complaining, but that's life in the big city!

Whoa...

I haven't updated this bad boy in FOREVER!!!

Let's see. I graduated officially in August after finishing a thesis about disability in the media. Not going to lie, I love my own paper.

In September... I started another Masters! Nobody ever said I was normal.... yes... I am in EVEN MORE debt. Why? I'm going to USC. Yes, you heard me right. Yes, my mother has shed many a tear over this. No, I am NOT a condom. I am, and will forever be, a Golden Bear.

What is this one in? Teaching! That's right! I'm going to spend my life warping young minds...

I start student teaching in a week and a half. Aaaggghhh! I will be teaching 10th and 12th grades. This could get scary... although I really am quite excited. For the 10th graders, I will be teaching Frankenstein to start and then Taming of the Shrew. I could do without Shrew, but love ol' Frankie. And for the 12th graders, it's a film unit! Too cool!

Beside the point that I know nothing about film.

I'll try to be a teeeny tiiiiiny bit about the updates. I mean, how could you not want to hear all about my teaching excursions???

The Rentals Are Coming

My parents are coming to town this weekend. You heard me right, they're coming here instead of me traipsing across some portion or all of the country for Christmas. Between me having to work, observe at the school I observe at, and actually going to school, the thought of going anywhere was a bit too much for me. So I get to stay safely ensconsed in my lovely home while my folks come to visit.

I may or may not have had a few tree fiascos to start my season off in the not best way possible. Then the tacky realization that I can't drive in snow, nor do I really care to learn. I did learn where the closest bus stops are though...

Back to the point. I'm quite excited they'll be here tomorrow. I'm thinking this is where I want to make my home and it is time to start seeing how we want to make that work out here. It'll be nice to do things in the cold (har har) and the cultural type things that we never seem to get around to back home. It will be good to be with family for more than five minutes while still living my life and doing what needs to get done... not to mention still making money.

So I shall keep you updated for the week.

MY FIRST 5K

So here's the story from beginning to end, i.e. last night up until now. I'll try not to bore you TOO much.

Last night work went late, more than an hour late. Imagine my displeasure with THAT! I ran by the store to get some oatmeal and a couple of bananas, plus a little pasta. It was a bit late for carbs, but was told to do it, so I did it. Maybe that helped today??? Regardless, I finally made it home, ate and changed into my pj's for the night.


Yes, I agree. I looked like cotton candy ice cream.
~Insert dirty jokes here~

I woke up at about 5 this morning on my own. I had intended to sleep until 5:45, but managed to lay quietly until then. As soon as my alarm went off, I shot out of bed. I forced myself to calm down by eating my oatmeal and reading for a few minutes.

Then I bopped on my way to brush my teeth, put my hair up, get my heart rate monitor on, fish my sports bra out of the dryer (word of the wise: old sports bras respond like jeans - they tighten in the wash - OUCH), and so on. I have to tell you. I looked pretty good. I felt pretty good. That's a dirt faced lie. I felt sexy as all get out. Yes, in little workout clothes, because both the pants and shirt that I was wearing are SMALLER than I have been. Oh yah baby.

I was definitely on the nervous side, so feeling that good was a plus.

Why was I nervous??? Heck if I know! My only goal was to finish and preferably not last. I would have considered myself a goddess if I finished under 45 minutes or, whoa, beat my personal best of 44:45. Yah, yah, I'm a slowpoke. Deal with it.

I get there, I wandered around. I thought of my fellow sparkers running today and giggled... out loud... not crazy at all over here folks... really. I went to the restroom, ate my banana, blah blah, blah. P.s. convenient time to remember I sometimes get heartburn from bananas. After I ate the banana. Good job Morgan. I even got hit on by a couple of volunteers (out of deference for the ol' bf, I'll leave out whether or not they were cute... but since I'm mentioning it... I'm pretty sure you can guess...). And seeing as how there were lots of skinnier girls and in my opinion, cuter, I felt pretty good about that. Me without make-up and war gear on, I feel kind of naked. So flashing the ol' smile does get you somewhere sometimes.

Anyways! So I line up with the joggers and walkers, not the runners. Talk about smart! And I swear if that announcer said that "it is going to be a beautiful day" one more time, I was going to SMACK her. Ha. So 15 minutes before start time, all lined up, I'm toward the front... uh oh. Big uh oh. I gotta pee.

I didn't go. We started about 3 minutes after the runners and I started my HR monitor then. I have to admit to something here. I almost cried. Which really didn't help the running part of that equation mind you. I have never been a runner, I have never wanted to be a runner, but it has been so long since I've been an athlete, something I was always so proud of and here I was again, doing it.

And proceeded to run a 12 minute mile. I run 14 minute miles generally. So apparently the tears that choked me up and the sloshing bladder didn't hold me up much...

I ran in 7:1 splits, which worked out well for me. I ran the first mile hitting 12:00, the second hitting 24:30 and ended it out with 38:35. I don't know the official time yet, but that's my HR monitor for ya. I'll be checking the official when I remember to do so.


That's the time chip on my shoe.

Did I mention my personal best, set all of a week ago the second time I ran outdoors, was 44:45?

That means I blasted that bad out of the water. What beats a goddess? Cause this girl is IT. Well, in my own world. And maybe in someone else's for all of five minutes.

And when I came running in, one of the love's of my life was there - Derrick. Joe was stuck at home waiting for the water heater dude, but Derrick still came. Yay for having wonderful people in your life who wake up early and drive to timbuktu to cheer you on and be there for you at the end. Love that man.

And that ladies and gents, is the end of my story. I'm about to go take a loooooooooooooooong hot shower and then get on with a busy bee kind of day. I'm hitting up the Taste of Georgetown with the gal I call my little sister and will have five samples of foods from various restaurants and then walk a solid distance to the bar where Cal is playing UCLA (not at the bar, but on the tv...). Then... HOME. To write a paper. No rest for the weary on this Saturday! But what a wonderful day already.

I have a tendency to be incredibly difficult on myself. Nothing I do is ever quite good enough for me.

But today... today was not only good enough, but I blew myself away. And for once, I am utterly and completely proud of myself.

I couldn't suck it in, I couldn't look cuter or more fun because this was taken pre-pee. Then I dropped all my crap and ran. Except I forgot to leave my apple with Derrick, so that was taken into the potty with me. There's an experience we probably shouldn't discuss, because holding an apple and taking down tight, sweaty workout pants is not what we call an easy feat.

And that... is that. Love you all!

First Day of School! Again...

Hi everybody!

Ok, so there was a request for a school blog. So here we go!

For those of you who don't know, I finished my first Master's in August. That one was in Women's Studies at George Washington University. That University sucks, so don't send your children there. This is my opinion based on a truly subpar education and an atrociously awful administrative staff. Somebody else may tell you differently, but that's that on my experience.

Now onto better. I'm getting my second Master's in Teaching at USC. As I'm still in Maryland... I'm doing it online. It's SUPER neat and uber helpful.

First of all, what I love about USC's program is that they concentrate on how to develop teachers for high-needs, underserved areas. I.e. areas that need excellent teachers, but often don't get them or don't keep them. Being in a high-needs, underserved area themselves, these professors have done much work in their community and work with the most current materials available. Old-school ways of teaching won't always work, so they work to find out what will.

What else makes this one so interesting? It's not like most online programs where everything is done by writing, including interacting with classmates. They have a special video format platform where you "go to class." You just do it online and at a certain time. So, with the use of a web cam and microphone (or phone depending on the preference of the professor,) I attend class and can't just do it all online just in writing.

So today was my first class. Understanding the Social Context of Urban Schools. Today was mostly a fix technology, introduce ourselves and chat a teensy bit about the material we were to read and watch by today. I need to re-read the material as I may or may not have speed read it... and I did promise myself I'd read EVERYTHING for once, so yah. I'll get back to it...

I'll have more to share on the class once it gets rolling, but for the moment, there are 12 students (maybe 13???) and all seem super interested and interesting. I think we'll have a rockin' year! At least I hope so... I have to remember to call the school I was placed at for appointments with x-amount of people tomorrow... Guess I'd better add that to my list of things to do...

"Fatty"

In the last few days, fatness has come to my attention in a very different way.

As a prelude, I have never been particularly thin. I'm not the biggest vegetable eater, I slacked off on exercise in college and beyond and I'm built like my father's side of the family... i.e. I'm a linebacker. I didn't get the diminutive build that my mother and her folks have. I'm pretty sure it's not even REMOTELY present in me.

As an extended prelude, I've been working harder lately to get to a healthy weight - for me. Not what all the books say is a healthy weight as those weights are made for women not built like me - no, not using my bones as an excuse, but let me give you an example. My smallest pant size that I can even remember is an 8. I'm fairly certain my shoulders were a size 12, i.e. buying a dress was the biggest pain in the ass. I don't mind not being small, I rather like my shoulders and shape - as when I'm in a good weight zone, hello hourglass.

Buuuuuuut, I'm not in that zone right now and I'm okay with that. I made quite a few bad decisions over the years and I'm paying for that. And I'm also reversing it.

That being said, I don't have the same comfort level talking about my weight, weight loss efforts and motivations that I do about my hearing impairment. And the situations that have recently come up have forced me to reconsider and to come to better terms with who and what I am and who and what I am working to be.

Short story of situation one is that I was with a friend and they kept pointing out weird looking couples - skinny men and not so skinny women. Well, I'm not so skinny and for pretty close to the first time in my life dating a skinny man. (The other time was short lived and I was toast for a girl shorter and heavier than me - but with smaller boobs! ;)) It occurred to me for the first time that day, and I almost asked my friend this, if people look at the guy I'm dating and myself like that. Incredibly disconcerting experience to say the least.

The second happened today. A friend is scoping out better ways to exercise while traveling, specifically scoping out Insanity (Beachbody.com) and brought it up to me, knowing that I'm on an amazing nutrition/fitness web site and have been working hard myself. He also asked a buddy of his, who has a gal pal doing it... I reminded him to make sure that he did not need a huge amount of space to do it. Her response, "If you're in a king size room, you have more than enough space, even a fatty could do it." Wow. To be lucky enough to be thin your entire life and have the balls to say that with so little understanding.

Let me quickly explain to you Insanity. It's an insane workout. Duh. I've read a few blogs on sparkpeople (my amazing site) and there are some who are heavier that tried it and went, uh oh, I can't handle this. So for this young lady to (a) insinuate that anybody can do it, is just wrong. And (b) to then be so callous and show such a lack of everything just bothered me.

And then it occurs to me. It's no different than me with hearing aids and you without. You don't know. You don't understand. Unless I, or someone who has a similar aspect, explain it to you. These skinny people just don't have a clue. They don't understand the trials, the tribulations, the hurt, the trouble, the physical pain, the depression, the everything of being fat.

From my all time heaviest to my goal weight, I have 80 pounds to lose. I am not at my all-time heaviest, so I do not have that remaining. But I do remember being that heavy. My knees hurt, my wacked out hip hurt, I was often exorbitantly tired. I shoveled food in my face when I was bored, when I was emotional, just because. It became a habit. Sitting on my ass became a habit.

And habits are hard to break.

I look at people bigger than me and I just want to help, because I do have a conception of how they got there. I'd like to think that I'd never get so big that I'd be called a fatty and then I recall that 80 pounds is no chump change. My level of tolerance has gone up two-fold because I get it. I understand.

I also understand the shame. I emailed my friend from Sunday about the skinny man/not so skinny woman situation. I was told essentially that I was being sensitive and that I was holding them in contempt because I must think I'm better than they. Quite wrong on every front. I was ashamed that I hurt about it in the first place. I was ashamed that I once upon a time might have also thought that was funny. I was so ashamed that no longer do I think that's funny, but I might be one of those people. I wrote the e-mail out of utter shame because I just really didn't want to have to, but I needed to because support comes in numerous ways and one of those ways is to be conscientious of what you say and who you're talking to. This friend is so incredibly supportive in a billion ways, including in the weight loss efforts, so this is not the end of the world certainly.

But it also made me realize something else. Something to do with that shame concept. There's nothing to be ashamed of (not that I'm telling you my weight until I hit goal weight or anything :P) and there's something I haven't shared with most people. I told my sparkpeople friends because they wouldn't laugh at me or wouldn't doubt me or question me and my want to do this.

I'm going to run a marathon.

I haven't told my family this. I haven't told my boyfriend this. I haven't told my best friends this. Because of that fear I'd be laughed at, doubted, or questioned. All people who are insanely supportive.

My mother might be laughing at me now because she knows I hate to run, but that's entirely beside the point :P.

So why am I doing it? Because I can. Am I going to do it tomorrow? NOPE. Next year. Marine Corp Marathon. Be there or be square.

I'm starting with a 5k, I'm running it in Long Beach three days after my birthday - provided my wonderful, loving parents will haul their bootys out of bed to provide me transportation. It's my birthday gift to myself. My gift to myself that I'm getting healthier, one step at a time.

Then a 10k.

Then a half.

Then... the full shebang.

Hopefully I don't trip. That's probably the other reason why my mother is laughing right now - she's not laughing at me, she's laughing with me at the fact that I hate to run and my likelihood of tripping is insanely high. There's something to be said for being incredibly athletic and not being able to walk. Maybe running is considered a sport in the weird parts of my brain that control my muscular movement?

So, in my convoluted way, I've come to the point that there's nothing to be ashamed of, there's nothing to feel shame at and there needs to be a better understanding of those who have more than no pounds to lose. We all have our struggles in life and for some of us, our biggest one is fat. And that pun was totally not intended.

On that note... I need to get running.