Almost the End

I need a break, so I'm writing a blog to update those of you who actually read this thing.

I'm almost done. I'm falling apart, but almost done.

I have four weeks of student teaching left. I will be teaching everyday, so this ought to be interesting. I have to plan out all the lessons for the next four weeks, but this week is pretty solid, just a few things left to deal with on that front.

School is... school. I freaked thinking we had a paper due on Friday that I clearly did not do since I was freaked. I emailed my prof who got back to me and said, yes there was something due. Almost flipped a lid sitting here. I asked what exactly was due, since I looked at the updated syllabus and it said week 7. She thought I meant the first paper when I was talking about the second paper. We can save that particular heart attack for another time - I've got two weeks before that sucker is due.

I'm the Secretary of the Cal alum. There is a newsletter due to be mailed out. The newsletter isn't even done. This could get interesting real quick...

There's a marathon next weekend. I'm supposed to run in it. Let's not discuss how far I'm actually going to get. I haven't run in two weeks, am still sick, and have had a headache for seven days straight. Clearly, I am really looking forward to this fantastic time.

Oh well, there's my updates. Back to lesson planning and prepping for a principal chat to discuss my future.

God's Symphony

(excuse the lack of caps, i am typing this on my phone and it won't let me capitalize anything!)

living in dc has provided one wonderful thing - summer storms. i drove through the city and watched as lightening lit up the sky. then i stood on my porch and watched the same lightening storm make the night become day. then came the rest of the storm.

watching a storm like this is watching god's symphony. the lightening is the slow start, each trail of electrons captivating and drawing in the avid watchers. then come the distant rumbles, the sighing wind, and the racous booms. the drops pound a beat on nature and man, making everything shiny and new. the wafting smell of rustling leaves and tires on pavement, a distinct melding of what has been created for us, both by the big guy upstairs and our fellow homonid.

we are small and ineffectual in comparison, not capable of producing anywhere near the power, might, and beauty of nature. yet we are graced with a gift so potentially dangerous, yet lovely in her drifting rage.

i love a good summer storm.

Almost Done!

Morgan updates are much happier this time around!

*School*
For this exact moment in time, school is complete for the Spring Semester. Summer is still being worked out with student teaching again in the fall - hopefully not quite as much insanity!

*Student Teaching*
This has gone remarkably well now that I have had more time to afford the students. They threw me a little party today! They all chipped in for bagels and juice, and even a little gift basket of teacher goodies (like sharpies and paper clips and magnets...).

*Work*
None for the moment! WOOHOO!

*Other Randoms*
I'm training for a marathon. I think I'm nuts. Just saying ;). Check out this blog for more details: mytrainermorgan.blogspot.com

Otherwise, I'm just living the good life and powering on through.

Life Updates

I wish I could tell you this is going to be a Morgan style happy go lucky blog, but Morgan was late to work since she left school late and *gack*.

*School
~ This is somehow the biggest butt kicker of semesters, yes, with an insane amount of everything else going on. I feel like I'd be getting more out of it... if I had time to even DO any of it. I'm behind on homework and who knows what else. Just bad news all around these days. Did I mention I'm only in week 2? And no, it's going to get worse, not easier, at least based on the syllabi. Oy.

*Work
~It really hasn't gotten any better. And there's more of it these days, which is just TERRIBLE timing, since I desperately need the time to study. I have taken some hours off, i.e. a loss of money, so that I can go to class. I took a couple of extra hours off a week to get ANY kind of study time in, but it remains woefully low and ridiculous.

*School
~Yay! Finally something that's going well. It's a learning process and I have been learning a lot. It is almost entirely me who's teaching the 10th graders at this point, which is pretty solid. When I do get a crack at the 12th graders, it just doesn't go as well. So I'm more than happy to keep my hands dirty with the 10th graders. Granted, overall I think I'd like 12th better, but when it's my classroom. If that makes sense. It's hard to be up in someone else's space.

Upshot is... now I see why people gave me the strangest looks and tried to talk me out of working during this process. I am ridiculously stressed and I am not giving my guiding teacher or my studies the time and effort they deserve. Which basically makes me feel like a crappy human being. For instance, there's a huge student/parent meeting that I really should be at, but first I have to make sure my shift is covered. But I need to be at this meeting as I am the one who's teaching this child for the most part. Trying to find time with my guiding teacher, who is also insanely busy, to do the pre-and-post learning event bs that USC requires is a little insane.

So this is a nutty process to say the least. We'll see how it continues to go.

Oh and I forgot to mention: I've gained weight. Oy.

Student Teaching

I began student teaching on Monday. It was fascinating. I have an amazing "Master Teacher" who wanted me to dive right in and get the party started.

So yesterday, I got to give out a quiz (and grade them!), while also reviewing the beginning of Frankenstein. It turned out that there wasn't much time for an activity that I had planned, but I ended up doing it today - a gender activity! Woohoo for using Masters #1!!! The period I expected to stay dead was quite active, the one who I expected to get into it kinda died. So that was definitely fascinating.

Overall, I think it's interesting and I think it's something that I can keep doing. No more major reinventions for me!!!

Today there have been some problems in the department, so it has been interesting to watch the interactions when there are disagreements. I'm seeing early on and firsthand the politics being played and I'm happy about that. I think it's important to know what you're getting yourself into and I'm seeing that. Nothing I can't someday handle myself if there's need, but one thing I can say is: stay out of other peoples' crap. Goes without saying I know, but still... people forget.

I'm currently sitting in my first class and bored SPITLESS. I have grading to do tonight, the last grades of the quarter! Whoooeeeee!

Work on top of everything else is certainly going to make things interesting. It definitely takes away time and that's going to be problematic. I'm already feeling the nut crunch and we've barely even started. So ho boy. Oh well, I'll work it out.

I'll definitely be keeping you updated on how things are going and all that jazz. So far, so good. I'm sure in a week I'll be complaining, but that's life in the big city!

Whoa...

I haven't updated this bad boy in FOREVER!!!

Let's see. I graduated officially in August after finishing a thesis about disability in the media. Not going to lie, I love my own paper.

In September... I started another Masters! Nobody ever said I was normal.... yes... I am in EVEN MORE debt. Why? I'm going to USC. Yes, you heard me right. Yes, my mother has shed many a tear over this. No, I am NOT a condom. I am, and will forever be, a Golden Bear.

What is this one in? Teaching! That's right! I'm going to spend my life warping young minds...

I start student teaching in a week and a half. Aaaggghhh! I will be teaching 10th and 12th grades. This could get scary... although I really am quite excited. For the 10th graders, I will be teaching Frankenstein to start and then Taming of the Shrew. I could do without Shrew, but love ol' Frankie. And for the 12th graders, it's a film unit! Too cool!

Beside the point that I know nothing about film.

I'll try to be a teeeny tiiiiiny bit about the updates. I mean, how could you not want to hear all about my teaching excursions???

The Rentals Are Coming

My parents are coming to town this weekend. You heard me right, they're coming here instead of me traipsing across some portion or all of the country for Christmas. Between me having to work, observe at the school I observe at, and actually going to school, the thought of going anywhere was a bit too much for me. So I get to stay safely ensconsed in my lovely home while my folks come to visit.

I may or may not have had a few tree fiascos to start my season off in the not best way possible. Then the tacky realization that I can't drive in snow, nor do I really care to learn. I did learn where the closest bus stops are though...

Back to the point. I'm quite excited they'll be here tomorrow. I'm thinking this is where I want to make my home and it is time to start seeing how we want to make that work out here. It'll be nice to do things in the cold (har har) and the cultural type things that we never seem to get around to back home. It will be good to be with family for more than five minutes while still living my life and doing what needs to get done... not to mention still making money.

So I shall keep you updated for the week.

MY FIRST 5K

So here's the story from beginning to end, i.e. last night up until now. I'll try not to bore you TOO much.

Last night work went late, more than an hour late. Imagine my displeasure with THAT! I ran by the store to get some oatmeal and a couple of bananas, plus a little pasta. It was a bit late for carbs, but was told to do it, so I did it. Maybe that helped today??? Regardless, I finally made it home, ate and changed into my pj's for the night.


Yes, I agree. I looked like cotton candy ice cream.
~Insert dirty jokes here~

I woke up at about 5 this morning on my own. I had intended to sleep until 5:45, but managed to lay quietly until then. As soon as my alarm went off, I shot out of bed. I forced myself to calm down by eating my oatmeal and reading for a few minutes.

Then I bopped on my way to brush my teeth, put my hair up, get my heart rate monitor on, fish my sports bra out of the dryer (word of the wise: old sports bras respond like jeans - they tighten in the wash - OUCH), and so on. I have to tell you. I looked pretty good. I felt pretty good. That's a dirt faced lie. I felt sexy as all get out. Yes, in little workout clothes, because both the pants and shirt that I was wearing are SMALLER than I have been. Oh yah baby.

I was definitely on the nervous side, so feeling that good was a plus.

Why was I nervous??? Heck if I know! My only goal was to finish and preferably not last. I would have considered myself a goddess if I finished under 45 minutes or, whoa, beat my personal best of 44:45. Yah, yah, I'm a slowpoke. Deal with it.

I get there, I wandered around. I thought of my fellow sparkers running today and giggled... out loud... not crazy at all over here folks... really. I went to the restroom, ate my banana, blah blah, blah. P.s. convenient time to remember I sometimes get heartburn from bananas. After I ate the banana. Good job Morgan. I even got hit on by a couple of volunteers (out of deference for the ol' bf, I'll leave out whether or not they were cute... but since I'm mentioning it... I'm pretty sure you can guess...). And seeing as how there were lots of skinnier girls and in my opinion, cuter, I felt pretty good about that. Me without make-up and war gear on, I feel kind of naked. So flashing the ol' smile does get you somewhere sometimes.

Anyways! So I line up with the joggers and walkers, not the runners. Talk about smart! And I swear if that announcer said that "it is going to be a beautiful day" one more time, I was going to SMACK her. Ha. So 15 minutes before start time, all lined up, I'm toward the front... uh oh. Big uh oh. I gotta pee.

I didn't go. We started about 3 minutes after the runners and I started my HR monitor then. I have to admit to something here. I almost cried. Which really didn't help the running part of that equation mind you. I have never been a runner, I have never wanted to be a runner, but it has been so long since I've been an athlete, something I was always so proud of and here I was again, doing it.

And proceeded to run a 12 minute mile. I run 14 minute miles generally. So apparently the tears that choked me up and the sloshing bladder didn't hold me up much...

I ran in 7:1 splits, which worked out well for me. I ran the first mile hitting 12:00, the second hitting 24:30 and ended it out with 38:35. I don't know the official time yet, but that's my HR monitor for ya. I'll be checking the official when I remember to do so.


That's the time chip on my shoe.

Did I mention my personal best, set all of a week ago the second time I ran outdoors, was 44:45?

That means I blasted that bad out of the water. What beats a goddess? Cause this girl is IT. Well, in my own world. And maybe in someone else's for all of five minutes.

And when I came running in, one of the love's of my life was there - Derrick. Joe was stuck at home waiting for the water heater dude, but Derrick still came. Yay for having wonderful people in your life who wake up early and drive to timbuktu to cheer you on and be there for you at the end. Love that man.

And that ladies and gents, is the end of my story. I'm about to go take a loooooooooooooooong hot shower and then get on with a busy bee kind of day. I'm hitting up the Taste of Georgetown with the gal I call my little sister and will have five samples of foods from various restaurants and then walk a solid distance to the bar where Cal is playing UCLA (not at the bar, but on the tv...). Then... HOME. To write a paper. No rest for the weary on this Saturday! But what a wonderful day already.

I have a tendency to be incredibly difficult on myself. Nothing I do is ever quite good enough for me.

But today... today was not only good enough, but I blew myself away. And for once, I am utterly and completely proud of myself.

I couldn't suck it in, I couldn't look cuter or more fun because this was taken pre-pee. Then I dropped all my crap and ran. Except I forgot to leave my apple with Derrick, so that was taken into the potty with me. There's an experience we probably shouldn't discuss, because holding an apple and taking down tight, sweaty workout pants is not what we call an easy feat.

And that... is that. Love you all!

First Day of School! Again...

Hi everybody!

Ok, so there was a request for a school blog. So here we go!

For those of you who don't know, I finished my first Master's in August. That one was in Women's Studies at George Washington University. That University sucks, so don't send your children there. This is my opinion based on a truly subpar education and an atrociously awful administrative staff. Somebody else may tell you differently, but that's that on my experience.

Now onto better. I'm getting my second Master's in Teaching at USC. As I'm still in Maryland... I'm doing it online. It's SUPER neat and uber helpful.

First of all, what I love about USC's program is that they concentrate on how to develop teachers for high-needs, underserved areas. I.e. areas that need excellent teachers, but often don't get them or don't keep them. Being in a high-needs, underserved area themselves, these professors have done much work in their community and work with the most current materials available. Old-school ways of teaching won't always work, so they work to find out what will.

What else makes this one so interesting? It's not like most online programs where everything is done by writing, including interacting with classmates. They have a special video format platform where you "go to class." You just do it online and at a certain time. So, with the use of a web cam and microphone (or phone depending on the preference of the professor,) I attend class and can't just do it all online just in writing.

So today was my first class. Understanding the Social Context of Urban Schools. Today was mostly a fix technology, introduce ourselves and chat a teensy bit about the material we were to read and watch by today. I need to re-read the material as I may or may not have speed read it... and I did promise myself I'd read EVERYTHING for once, so yah. I'll get back to it...

I'll have more to share on the class once it gets rolling, but for the moment, there are 12 students (maybe 13???) and all seem super interested and interesting. I think we'll have a rockin' year! At least I hope so... I have to remember to call the school I was placed at for appointments with x-amount of people tomorrow... Guess I'd better add that to my list of things to do...

"Fatty"

In the last few days, fatness has come to my attention in a very different way.

As a prelude, I have never been particularly thin. I'm not the biggest vegetable eater, I slacked off on exercise in college and beyond and I'm built like my father's side of the family... i.e. I'm a linebacker. I didn't get the diminutive build that my mother and her folks have. I'm pretty sure it's not even REMOTELY present in me.

As an extended prelude, I've been working harder lately to get to a healthy weight - for me. Not what all the books say is a healthy weight as those weights are made for women not built like me - no, not using my bones as an excuse, but let me give you an example. My smallest pant size that I can even remember is an 8. I'm fairly certain my shoulders were a size 12, i.e. buying a dress was the biggest pain in the ass. I don't mind not being small, I rather like my shoulders and shape - as when I'm in a good weight zone, hello hourglass.

Buuuuuuut, I'm not in that zone right now and I'm okay with that. I made quite a few bad decisions over the years and I'm paying for that. And I'm also reversing it.

That being said, I don't have the same comfort level talking about my weight, weight loss efforts and motivations that I do about my hearing impairment. And the situations that have recently come up have forced me to reconsider and to come to better terms with who and what I am and who and what I am working to be.

Short story of situation one is that I was with a friend and they kept pointing out weird looking couples - skinny men and not so skinny women. Well, I'm not so skinny and for pretty close to the first time in my life dating a skinny man. (The other time was short lived and I was toast for a girl shorter and heavier than me - but with smaller boobs! ;)) It occurred to me for the first time that day, and I almost asked my friend this, if people look at the guy I'm dating and myself like that. Incredibly disconcerting experience to say the least.

The second happened today. A friend is scoping out better ways to exercise while traveling, specifically scoping out Insanity (Beachbody.com) and brought it up to me, knowing that I'm on an amazing nutrition/fitness web site and have been working hard myself. He also asked a buddy of his, who has a gal pal doing it... I reminded him to make sure that he did not need a huge amount of space to do it. Her response, "If you're in a king size room, you have more than enough space, even a fatty could do it." Wow. To be lucky enough to be thin your entire life and have the balls to say that with so little understanding.

Let me quickly explain to you Insanity. It's an insane workout. Duh. I've read a few blogs on sparkpeople (my amazing site) and there are some who are heavier that tried it and went, uh oh, I can't handle this. So for this young lady to (a) insinuate that anybody can do it, is just wrong. And (b) to then be so callous and show such a lack of everything just bothered me.

And then it occurs to me. It's no different than me with hearing aids and you without. You don't know. You don't understand. Unless I, or someone who has a similar aspect, explain it to you. These skinny people just don't have a clue. They don't understand the trials, the tribulations, the hurt, the trouble, the physical pain, the depression, the everything of being fat.

From my all time heaviest to my goal weight, I have 80 pounds to lose. I am not at my all-time heaviest, so I do not have that remaining. But I do remember being that heavy. My knees hurt, my wacked out hip hurt, I was often exorbitantly tired. I shoveled food in my face when I was bored, when I was emotional, just because. It became a habit. Sitting on my ass became a habit.

And habits are hard to break.

I look at people bigger than me and I just want to help, because I do have a conception of how they got there. I'd like to think that I'd never get so big that I'd be called a fatty and then I recall that 80 pounds is no chump change. My level of tolerance has gone up two-fold because I get it. I understand.

I also understand the shame. I emailed my friend from Sunday about the skinny man/not so skinny woman situation. I was told essentially that I was being sensitive and that I was holding them in contempt because I must think I'm better than they. Quite wrong on every front. I was ashamed that I hurt about it in the first place. I was ashamed that I once upon a time might have also thought that was funny. I was so ashamed that no longer do I think that's funny, but I might be one of those people. I wrote the e-mail out of utter shame because I just really didn't want to have to, but I needed to because support comes in numerous ways and one of those ways is to be conscientious of what you say and who you're talking to. This friend is so incredibly supportive in a billion ways, including in the weight loss efforts, so this is not the end of the world certainly.

But it also made me realize something else. Something to do with that shame concept. There's nothing to be ashamed of (not that I'm telling you my weight until I hit goal weight or anything :P) and there's something I haven't shared with most people. I told my sparkpeople friends because they wouldn't laugh at me or wouldn't doubt me or question me and my want to do this.

I'm going to run a marathon.

I haven't told my family this. I haven't told my boyfriend this. I haven't told my best friends this. Because of that fear I'd be laughed at, doubted, or questioned. All people who are insanely supportive.

My mother might be laughing at me now because she knows I hate to run, but that's entirely beside the point :P.

So why am I doing it? Because I can. Am I going to do it tomorrow? NOPE. Next year. Marine Corp Marathon. Be there or be square.

I'm starting with a 5k, I'm running it in Long Beach three days after my birthday - provided my wonderful, loving parents will haul their bootys out of bed to provide me transportation. It's my birthday gift to myself. My gift to myself that I'm getting healthier, one step at a time.

Then a 10k.

Then a half.

Then... the full shebang.

Hopefully I don't trip. That's probably the other reason why my mother is laughing right now - she's not laughing at me, she's laughing with me at the fact that I hate to run and my likelihood of tripping is insanely high. There's something to be said for being incredibly athletic and not being able to walk. Maybe running is considered a sport in the weird parts of my brain that control my muscular movement?

So, in my convoluted way, I've come to the point that there's nothing to be ashamed of, there's nothing to feel shame at and there needs to be a better understanding of those who have more than no pounds to lose. We all have our struggles in life and for some of us, our biggest one is fat. And that pun was totally not intended.

On that note... I need to get running.

Change

Well, it has been a long while since I have stopped in to say hello, share with you news and the like. Upon finishing my thesis, I will give the final wrap-up of what has been a rather disappointing two years of school, but the other joys I have found in the process.

This particular blog is about change. Not about the ones that happen in your life, but the one that you cause in others.

I was out to dinner with a friend, a wonderful friend who has been an amazing support system, and he tells me that the other night he was having trouble. He wanted to call me, to have me come, but his fiance talked him out of it, saying that I shouldn't be disturbed. If there is a friend in need, I will go or do whatever I can to help, so I reminded him of this.

All of this led to a conversation about my role in his life, as well as one or two others specifically. He said something to the effect that I am a wonderful influence because I accept everybody, I challenge them (and myself) to be better people and that I change lives by simply being in them.

I bring this up, not to share a huge compliment to me (although it did my heart good to hear), but because it made me think quite a bit about my place in the world.

I'm a recent almost graduate (stupid thesis), who's busting butt trying to find a job. I have made the decision to spend my life teaching. And recently I had a short interchange about changing the world, with John saying that he gave up on this ideal long ago. So, all of this added into this discussion of how I have changed these few friends lives. Not how, but simply that I have.

It reminded me of something. I can't change the world. I can't fix it. I can't solve the problems. But who cares about the can'ts? What about the can's? Whatever happened to those? Isn't making a difference in one or two lives worth it? That if we all hold hands with the person standing next to us, maybe, just maybe, someday the world will change? Possibly not in my lifetime, but who said change is immediate? By simply being who I am, by living my life the best (mostly) way I know how, I've changed these two or three friends - who turn around and change others by being the best versions of themselves as well, and so on and so forth.

Ultimately, we can and do change the world. Every person who is inspired, challenged or otherwise loved by you, is changed, their world is changed. And isn't that more than enough? Isn't that everything?

And a few quotes to end this off...

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~Anne Frank

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. ~Abraham Lincoln

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden

I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives. ~Tracy Chapman

The great use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it. ~William James

Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope... and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. ~Robert F. Kennedy

There are two ways of spreading light - to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. ~Edith Wharton

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito. ~Betty Reese

Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. ~Albert Einstein

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. ~Carl Jung

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
~Elie Wiesel

Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone. ~C.S. Lewis

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~Helen Keller

An age is called Dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. ~James Michener

Heros are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. ~Gerard Way

DC, the Catholic Church, & Gay Marriage

Now those are three things that one generally does not expect to see in a subject line. Yet here it is? Why?

Well, not so long ago DC passed a law that said that gay marriage will be allowed. Well, we've all read my previous blogs on the gay marriage subject and know that I'm a rather large proponent of it.

In fact, two of my best friends are gay. A couple, one of whom I knew before I even officially moved to DC. Wonderful, beyond wonderful men. Men that I am proud to call my family, family that takes care of me, loves me, and will always stand by my side. They are getting married some time in 2011 and, yes, I will be in the wedding.

Well, the Catholic Church in DC muttered and moaned, made threats, and the like. Threats involving taking away social services from the city.

I am appalled to have to report, should you not already have read about it, that they are, in fact, going to do so.

What are they pulling first? Foster services. Here's an article from The Washington Times. I kid you not.

I could go on and on about the disenfranchised, about children, about making really crappy threats in the first place.

But I'm stumped. I'm just blown away at the bigotry, the prejudice, the sheer hatred that this church is imposing on its congregations. They are NOT teaching forgiveness, love, and kindness. They're teaching how to share hate, how to discriminate, how to oppress.

I'm thoroughly fascinated time and again by how different sects choose to read the bible. Yes, we all know the holy book has an insane amount of discrepancies. And at the end of the day, all I can ask you to consider is this: do you want to read that book to learn and preach hatred, or do you want to read that book to learn and preach love?

At the end of the day, I don't judge. That's for the big guy upstairs. I'm going to support my fellow man, I'm going to fight for my fellow man, and I'm going to love my fellow man. And before I get ripped by my Women's Studies colleagues, my fellow woman too.

Ultimately, I will go before God. I will stand before Him with nothing but love in my heart and knowing that I did what I did, that I stood for the disenfranchised and the oppressed with full knowledge of what may come my way. Because what is Heaven if it's a place of hate? Of judgment by the people who are allowed access through the gates? If Hell is where the people who stand up and fight their fellow man go, then I will be proud to stand among them. Because there is hope for a better tomorrow when you stand. When you teach your children to stand.

There is a difference between right and wrong. And even if you think that the actions of others are wrong, then my question becomes, what's worse? Them for doing the action? Or you for judging that action to the point of perpetrating hatred, bigotry, and prejudice? I cannot control my fellow person, I can only control me.

And my control of myself is to love. To exist. To support. To find it within me to always have the strength to hope for a better tomorrow where we exist side by side in some version of harmony.

Do you have it in you to stand with me? To hold hands with me? To believe in that better tomorrow with me?

Do you believe in love?

Get Sparky!

If you want a preview of the book I talked about in my last blog (and win me some sparkpoints and who knows what else), go to the link below and enjoy!

http://book.sparkpeople.com/book.asp?u=MOHO13

The Spark

I have been on a web site since May of last year, a nutrition/fitness/lifestyle change web site. It's a free site that emphasizes community while making healthy choices in fitness and nutrition.

Called SparkPeople, I have loved the community part of it since the day I joined. But, I will full well admit, I haven't been very sparky in that I didn't particularly well follow the plan or I cheated on it. It definitely goes to show that it's often not the plan that doesn't work, but the us following the plan!

Well, they have put out a book, "The Spark". I have read the intro chapters to it and LOVED it. The stories of excuses all made sense to me and the ways suggested to motivate yourself made even more sense to me. In the book they have a 28-day plan that differs from their online 12-week plan. I think the 12-week plan intimidated me a bit and that's why I was never particularly religious about following anything.

I should pause to note, when I say plan, I mean a suggested outline of meals that you can modify or just not use. They are big proponents of learning portion sizes and simply how to live your best life while eating healthy and incorporating fitness.

Back to the book!

I have started week 1 of the 28-day plan and I am far more excited for this than I ever have been because the goals for this week are doable. They make sense. They're small changes that I can make.

Everything about this book just makes sense. So if you're looking to lose weight, eat better, or encourage someone else to be healthier, this book is a solid investment. No more of the crap that doesn't work, or if it does, not for long. This is about changing the way you look at food and finding what works and what doesn't. It's process, one that will ultimately better you.

Trust me, this is the book to buy when you're looking to make a positive change in your health.

P.S. if you decide to join the site, (a) give me credit please (I'm all about the sparkpoints) and (b) add me as a friend. My username is: moho13.

Almost Post Fall Semester...

Again, not a huge update. All presentations are DONE!!! I did well on all of them I believe and take much comfort in that. I am currently taking a break from a lovely little something called comprehensive exams. Essentially, it is an exit exam of essays that I am required to pass in order to graduate. Two down, one to go. I'm feeling good about them, so can't complain about that!

Otherwise, tomorrow I have one paper to finish and during the week next week, I have two papers to write. Then... done! For the semester that is. All I have next semester is applying for jobs during the year, one class, writing my thesis, working a job, and hopefully picking up another one. Not too busy at all! Really!

Time to go bang... out the last essay. What did you think I was going to say??? I have no life for such things. Please. Keep it clean people.

Insert Witty Title Here

There is not much wittiness to post on.

Four presentations, three papers, and a test all before Thanksgiving.

My exit exams the weekend after.

I don't believe complete insanity explains it well enough...

NEM: After

I walked a total of 4.5 miles.

My feet are dirty. My body hurts. I have a major sunburn. I had a fiasco of a time finding the guys and gals I am ever proud to march with. I was hungry.

But every single minute of this day was worth it.

Not a spot of rain since yesterday. A beautiful day. And in the midst of this beautiful day with no rain was a rainbow.

I stood in awe looking at this sight. I sat in church this morning, teaching Sunday School, thinking about hatred and whether or not there is a place for it in this world. And I looked at this rainbow shining high above the sun and I knew that there simply isn't a place for that hatred. Sadly, it exists, but its use is very little.

I wish I could share with you the power of being in this place at this time. Regardless of whether you agree with LGBTQ rights, the moment was one of strength and solidarity. Every single one of these people was there to show support for equality, for rights, for justice. They stood up with one voice and demanded that this is their time.

And I am imminently proud that I stood with these all of these people and demanded it for my fellow man and woman who do not have the rights I do. Gay, straight, Black, white, Christian, Jewish, punk, classic, big boobs, little boobs, ba-donk-a-donk butts, flat butts... you name it, somebody was there representing it, standing in solidarity for equality.

Yes, every moment was worth whatever I may be physically feeling now because I stood with a great many people who inspired me and reminded me that we will have a better tomorrow because of the amazing people fighting for it.

Marching for an Equal Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for DC and for the country. The National Equality March is happening, marching from downtown to the Capitol. Throughout this weekend there are numerous events, panels, and social hours taking place - quite the undertaking.

I read in someone's facebook status yesterday that "marching for gay rights is passé." I also received an e-mail from the church I teach Sunday School at that I will be recognized at the 11:00 a.m. service as a new member of the church.

I will not be going. I will not be going because marching for my brothers and sisters is not passé. I will not be going because I believe in equality and I belive in love. We must stand together to fight bigotry and hatred. Rich, poor, Asian, African, Caucasion, handicapped, male, female, gay, straight... whatever stratifications we fall into, there are still people who are being treated as second-class citizens in a country that purports to be free.

There are those out there that use the Holy Books (place your religion of choice here) as a shield for their hatred and wield a sword of prejudice to cut people down. I refuse to do so. If you want to talk to me about religion, I'll talk to you about love. If you want to talk to me about spirituality, I'll talk to you about love. If you want to talk to me about being an aethiest, I'll STILL talk to you about love. Because I believe in the tenets of this country and the religion I practice (one that I will never boost onto another). I believe in equality and love. We won't hold a shield because we don't need one. We won't hold a sword because our hands will be held together and high in the air because we are proud and we believe that justice will someday stand for us.

I am proud to be called a straight ally. I am proud that tomorrow I will march to continue to bring attention to a plight that is not dead and certainly is not unfashionable. Because this is not about the cause of the moment, this is about people.

If you'd like to march with me (and thousands of others) tomorrow, send me a message. If you can't march with me tomorrow, then think of those thousands of people who will be and hope for a peaceful standing of what is right.

If you'd like more information on the event itself, please go to: www.NationalEqualityMarch.com

A Letter From an American Mother

This letter touched me in a way I cannot describe and I found myself nodding my head in agreement to the sheer ignorance that supposedly accepting and open people possess.

Sunday, April 30, 2000
By SHARON UNDERWOOD
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT)

-----

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that, as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood, he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him, or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter on April 12 in the Valley News, who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing", asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Sincerely,
Sharon Underwood

(Please invite others to read this, if you were moved by it.)

Hectic Times!

Well, I moved. There'll be pictures soon enough... now that my mom's been here and ensured it was beautiful when she left. No, I haven't totally skewered it yet. Give me some time.

Updates on my life (fun blog to come soon):
*I lost my job because Curves is closing August 14th.
*Curves is not closing August 14th, so I still have a job.
*This semester I have three classes, lots of work hours, a thesis to write, and PhD programs to apply too.
*I'll have no life. But such is life.

I think that about sums it up.

More later :-P.